"You Can Read For Fun?"

My Journey With Reading

Photo by Blaz Photo on Unsplash

My mom was an avid reader until she had a few strokes a couple years ago. The thing she misses most - besides doing her puzzles (aka Sudoku and crosswords) - is reading.

As a kid, I never saw Mom without a book. She had a “Purse Book,” a “Bedside Table Book,” a “Car Book,” and so on. Don’t tell me how she kept them all straight, but somehow she did. She and her 2 sisters had “book boxes” and every time they saw each other they’re exchange them. Once she discovered Kindle, she was in heaven!

My oldest brother liked to read, too, so they had a great time discussing characters, plots, and historical events that correlated to those fictional events.

If I’m being honest, I was jealous of their relationship.

I tried to be a reader. I really did. But my eyes jumped around the page and messed up words. Plus, I was a really, really slow reader and was ashamed about it. I would often have to re-read a sentence or paragraph because, while I knew what every word was, my brain, somehow, didn’t work them into anything that made sense.

It was all I could do to try to figure out my homework assignments without having to read the whole chapter or required book, so there was absolutely no way I would ever have picked up something just for the heck of it.

I was dumbfounded when people like my mom and brother chose to read for fun.

For me, it was the exact opposite of fun. It was a chore. Work. Frustrating.

I was sent to testing when I was probably ten years old because I was failing Social Studies. (I blame the horrible teacher but…) I don’t know what type of testing, but afterward it was explained to me that I just “wasn’t an abstract thinker.” No other input.

Sure, if you had me read a paragraph and answer questions, I probably wasn’t going to be able to answer them or pick them out by going back - which I’d never do - unless the question was worded the exact same way as the text.

For example, if there was a paragraph about how and why the Civil War started, unless the paragraph said, “The Civil War started for these three reasons. First… Second…. Third…” there was no way for me to know. But I could tell you that some time ago (I never read dates or numbers… don’t even get me started talking about numbers) there was a group of people from somewhere that didn’t agree with another group of people so they started fighting about it. That was it. Generalities and estimates.

As a result of the testing, I was sent to a “Reading Specialist” and anytime I took a test, someone would read aloud as I followed along. Sometimes I was sent down there to listen to a chapter or section of the textbook being read for an assignment.

Did it help? No. I zoned out. Especially when it was something I wasn’t interested in.

The accommodation was only provided for the one class and only lasted till the end of that year. I guess I passed, I don’t remember.

I had always been a “C” student, so I’m sure everyone figured that if I was passing, I was fine. In high school I took every history class over the summer so I could concentrate on just that, but really it was a condensed version and the teachers weren’t going to fail anyone. Yay me!

So, what changed?

First of all, I learned how to study and become a better - I’m still horrible at it - test taker. I would read the questions first, then start on the text. As soon as I found the answer, I moved on to the next one.

I never mastered skimming, probably because I had to take so much time figuring words out.

Here are the most valuable things I learned:

1. Most textbooks put vocabulary words in bold and italicize or underline key points.

2. The glossary will point you in the direction of the section you need so you only have to read that little bit.

3. If I re-write the important sections and use different colored pens or highlighters I was more likely able to recall the info. I could visualize it on the page and remember it better.

4. Flashcards are the best! Write everything on the flashcards (reinforcing the information) then have two stacks. Go through once and anything you got right, put in the “you don’t have to look at this again” stack, and anything you got wrong, put in the “poop, you didn’t know that so you need to go over it again” stack. The “wrong” pile would get smaller and smaller until I knew it all. (No backtracking and watching the pile get smaller was key)

These strategies got me through an Associates Degree just before I got married and followed my active duty military husband around the world.

My Reading-For-Fun Journey

When I became a new mom I struggled. I was moved states away to Texas, had no car, no job, and no direction with a husband who worked weird hours. This was the first time I didn’t have a job since I was 14 and was at home, all day, with no routine, really. I needed something to do that felt like I was accomplishing something.

When I complained to my mom, she said, “Is the baby clean, fed, and alive? Then you accomplished something.”

That didn’t help.

Back then, Oprah’s daytime talk show started a book club. The way they all talked about the first book, The Deep End of the Ocean by Jacquelyn Mitchard, was indicting and they discussed it at length and everyone seemed so into it.

By the end of that first year, they’d talked about two other books and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

The last selection was She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb. I didn’t get started when they did, and took forever to read it, but I finished the entire book and remembered most of the story. I still have a visual of the female main character describing how she lost weight by imagining her food was moldy and disgusting so she wouldn’t eat it, and that her future husband was going to look like a whale… and then she met a man just like that.

This was the first time I’d ever finished a book and I was twenty-four years old.

After that, I was hooked.

When I found the Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles, there was no stopping me. I devoured those and would see outfits at the mall that I thought would look good on Claudia. I was so happy that, after the first book, they followed Lestat instead of Louis because he was way more interesting.

Books became my sanity. My escape.

It still took me a long time to get through a book and I often had to go back and read sentences or paragraphs because I’d realize I had no idea what I just read, but there was no time limit. No pressure. Just me and a book.

I had become a person who could read for fun.

My Writing Journey

Even though I had so many problems reading as a child, I had a vivid imagination and would write stories down sometimes. I found that it was a great way to get my brain to stop fixating on them.

In high school, I had a best friend, Meredith, and we had a Steno notebook that we passed back and forth every few days. We’d write in it sort of like a journal but directed it to the other person. We’d comment about school, boys we liked, our families, and future dreams. It was where we could be silly and open about our feelings/desires without judgement.

I started to realize how much I liked writing. I was in journalism class and was horrible at it when it was an assignment, but I really enjoyed letting my creativity play out on a page.

As a young adult, I wrote a few stories about some difficult times in my life. It helped me process and negotiate my feelings in an environment where I was in control.

A few years ago, I was a substitute Sign Support Specialist for a high school student. It was my job to be an Aide to a Deaf student, offering American Sign Language interpretation, etc. While following her from class-to-class over the course of a month, I saw a real life example of what it was like to be in a classroom as a “fly on the wall.”

Teachers were trying to give instruction while some students were trying to pay attention annd another student(s) were being disruptive. The kids who wanted to learn were set aside for the teacher to “deal with” the disruptor. Very little instruction got done.

The entire month I kept thinking, “What is the alternative?” How could there be a better system that helps the kids that actually want to learn, the kids who are on the fence to have a path to success, and the kids who don’t want to be there to get a job and become contributing members of society?

My mind tossed several ideas around and settled on a community where virtual reality gear was worn all the time so their only interaction is with people in their family. That would reduce or eliminate most crime, drug use, and violence.

So, my first self-published book, The Alternative, was born.

It was my first go and is problematic, but through that experience I learned a lot and found out I could take an idea from inception all the way to publication. What an amazing accomplishment. I am already planning on going back through it, reworking it, and re-releasing it soon. I know so much more about writing now and want to give it the shot it didn’t have before.

Since then, I’ve self-published two more. Like most writers, I have several WIP’s started and unfinished but just started another one. I’m a bit frustrated that I haven’t finished all of them, but know that it’s just a part of the process.

I still struggle with reading my work back… not only do I still have to work hard at reading, but I also don’t like “back and forth.” I think it’s an ADHD thing. If I’ve already done something, driven somewhere, etc. I really don’t want to do it again. I will plan out my errands so I don’t backtrack at all. I always thought I was just being efficient and using my time wisely, but it is becoming apparent that it’s unusual.

So, if I’ve written my book, I’ve checked that story off of my internal list (and sometimes physical one, too) and it’s done. No reason to look at it again, right? We all know how wrong that is when publishing a book.

My Current Journey

Along with continuing to write, I’ve also put my background in acting into the mix. Over the years I’ve done theater, voice over work, and commercials, so last year I decided to try my hand at audiobook narration.

I’ve really enjoyed it and since I had some audio editing experience, it’s challenged not only my creative side, but also my analytical. Mastering audio is a whole different animal and I’m not sure anyone becomes so knowledgeable they can’t learn something new, so that will always be my focus. While it’s frustrating and rewarding at the same time, I enjoy it.

My mom makes fun of me because whenever I was asked to read aloud at school I had panic attacks. I’d count how many people were in front of me and find the paragraph I’d be asked to read so I could “prepare myself.” Inevitably I’d be so focused on that that when my turn came around I didn’t realize or I’d have gotten the paragraph wrong and freak out a bit. I was hyper-aware of having to read slower than the other kids, and would mess up words or have to sound them out. But, now, I’m doing it professionally.

Of course, there’s a huge difference between cold reading something in front of thirty people and sitting in a booth acting out something you’ve prepared for, but still, the irony isn’t lost on me.

There was a week or two a while back when I was narrating one story, writing another, reading another, and listening to yet another. It doesn’t happen often, but somehow I make it work and have a little glimpse of what my mom was doing way back when.

So, to go from someone who hated the thought of picking up a book, to consuming four at a time, I have to say I’m proud of myself.

I’ve come a long way and have truly learned to love reading. My uber-imagination is glad that I did.