The "Deployment Curse" Strikes Again
And How You Can Help a Military Spouse
There’s a thing that happens when a military spouse is deployed, goes to training/Temporary Duty (TDY), or really leaves for any length of time for any reason: The Deployment Curse.
Sure, it’s not just for deployments, but that’s what we all call it.
When the military member leaves, inevitably something goes wrong. Or some things. Sometimes it’s even right as they step out the door.
My husband has been retired from active duty US Air Force for ten years and apparently it still applies.
He left yesterday at noon for a week-long training for his new job - which means ten days with all the travel, etc - and he was sitting at the airport waiting for his flight out when I noticed the fridge wasn’t cold.
All of the stuff in the freezer was nearly thawed out and the fridge was 43.2°F and getting warmer.
Ugh.
We texted back and forth the best we could to try to troubleshoot but in the end, it was up to me to figure it all out.
Luckily, we have a chest freezer in the garage where I salvaged as much as I could, safely, and a mini-fridge I brought from my old work that I hadn’t even plugged in yet. I moved as much as possible and resolved to have to replace the rest.
We’ve had the refrigerator around five years, so it’s questionable if it’s still in warranty but I did the LG support chat and the compressor is still covered. PHEW.
One time, my husband was leaving - I can’t remember if it was a deployment or TDY - while we were living in Japan, I drove him to the train station and by the time I got home, I had a flat tire.
We’ve had lightening strike our home, tree branch break off and go through our roof, cars break down, kids dislocate an elbow, ruptured ovarian cyst that made me feel like I was dying, and so much more.
Ask any military spouse about it and they’ll know exactly what you’re talking about and have at least one personal story.
Why am I telling you all this? Because I’m reminded that if you know a “MilSpouse,” they need your support even if they don’t ask for it. (And they probably won’t)
Along with missing their partner, they have to take on all the mental load. They are, in essence, a single parent/person. Of course, there are people out there doing it all alone, all the time, and I don’t want to minimize that. It’s hard!
The biggest difference is that these are families that have been taken away from their hometowns and extended family to be uprooted in an unfamiliar place anywhere in the world, knowing no one, having nothing… starting over from scratch.
They start over every 2-3 years (or more often) and are expected to keep some sort of balance and sanity. They often don’t have a home or vehicle of their own (yet), know where anything is, and have to wait days to weeks for their furniture/items to be delivered.
They have to register kids for school, find new doctors, dentists, hairdressers, churches, friends, and jobs, among other things.
Even though it’s tough, I loved it. Starting fresh is liberating… even though I stressed out and cursed our life sometimes.
So, if you know someone who has a military (or first responder) spouse that leaves for extended periods of time, offer to babysit or house sit so they can have a break. Mow their lawn in secret. Drop off a meal. Go with them to take their animals to the vet. Call to check up on them.
They likely won’t ask for help, and if you offer an open-ended “Let me know if you need anything” you’ll probably never hear from them when they do need something. Be specific. Do things in secret.
They don’t just miss their spouse, they miss the team that person provides.